They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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