If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
did i just pee glitter
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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