even my farts smell like vagina
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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