I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
