just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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