distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
