Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
