Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
