found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
