Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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