i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
