I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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