Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
