Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
