I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
