well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
