You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
