got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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