Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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