Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
