I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
