Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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