I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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