I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
