Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I love you.
Bad choice
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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