Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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