Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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