so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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