How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
