Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
