somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
