My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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