A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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