you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
