quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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