so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
