you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
