I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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