My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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