when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
