My sheets look like a crime scene.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
