She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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