Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
