I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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