do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
