Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
