I just cut my nipple shaving
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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