70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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