the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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