Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
